Walk through the dream with me.
Tell me exactly what you see
In this true delighted fantasy.

Sing the song of delight.
Listen to the sounds of lovers' light
And dance in merryment through the night.

Run through the greats dreams.
Show the world that true light beams,
And then you'll realize what it means.

Dance the the heartbeat like a drum.
Fell the vibrations through veins it will hum,
The heart and mind will not be an unequal sum.

Dream so sweetly, shiver and sigh.
The way one does when snow and sun is night,
The shivers of love give off those feelings that are just right.

In loves warmest embrace be so bold.
A lover's heart you will always warmly hold,
As the story of love continues to be told.
~Raven
24 August 2008

I just had a blast from the past this week.

A high school classmate whom I haven't seen in twenty years contacted me via another site....no I am not feeling old, my friends, I am just happy to hear from someone who I have found that I have some things in common with, and I never knew it when we were in school together.

He is a very nice guy, though in school, he was like me, quiet and out of the way of oncoming popular traffic.  He was one of those guys you see who is lanky and average...the one you KNOW in your heart is going to grow into himself and become HOT!!  This guy definately is, and I knew it a long time ago!  He's also divorced, with two little boys.  His divorce was recent, but I am sure that it will be nice to just chat via email like we have been doing for two days...but man, is this guy gorgeous now, I knew he would be!!!

We talked about the old school, and how he went to the reunion, and it was sad that I wasn't there, that we could have practiced our sarcastic streak on the classmates, because they hadn't changed at all...except in obvious looks and attitudes....one-up manship must have been at an all time high last Saturday night...glad I wasn't there to burst a lot of bubbles, and bring some people down to earth.

I told J about my poetry, and he thought it was great that I am so creative....I didn't share any with him yet, we have only been chatting for two days now, so I thought it would be wise not to yet...

We talked about our favorite Broadway plays and movies...the usual.  I am reluctant to find out why he is divorced because it's none of my business.  I think that is appropriate, don't you?  He barely remembers me from school too, so we are basic strangers.

We both agreed that both of us need to get off our derrieres and go out and meet people...that sitting at home does nothing for us single folks in the world.

He's currently looking to  move back to the old hometown to be closer to his sons-5 and 2, and I saw pictures of these boys, they are so adorable!!  I hope he does, because that's what he's wanted for some time.

I talk about him now, because it's awesome to see that I was right, that time did change this man to who and what he is now.  It also proves my intuition was right all those years ago, and it answers some basic questions about myself as a whole...the ones that need to be answered.

There's also the explanation of my dream the night before he requested my friendship....in the dream, I was with a guy who my brain said I used to know, and we were "together" in a sense...well, not sexually, but in a friendship way, chatting in a place I don't recognize, but in the dream, it was a place where all the kids went after school....anyway, in the dream, I was comparing the younger man in my mind with an older version...

I don't know if J has anything to do with this, but it is odd that I had that dream before his request...maybe I am just over reacting because I am into the full swing of things these days.

I just wanted to share this with all of you, because it is a sweet moment in my life, and I need those these days...especially when that sweet moment is contact with the male of our species...

~Raven

I made a bet recently that I fully intended to loose...lol

At the beginning of August, Lunawolfseeker/Natalie (for those of you who know, check out her blog) made a bet with her two daughters:  she would loose 20 lbs by the end of the mont or pay both daughters $20 a piece.  She needed help, and accountablity...people who would cheer her on, and ask her how things were going everyday...no hard thing to do since I have been around family members on Weight Watchers, and Natalie is my friend, if she needed a cheerleader, no problem  I am happy to do it.

Well, last week, as she was at the 8 lb mark in her goal weight, I thought about how she was doing what she set out to do.  I also thought about the one thing that I wanted to give up, but like Natalie, I didn't have the incentive or the encouragement to do....QUIT SMOKING!!  

So, after long and intense thinking about this, I went to Natalie and made a bet I knew I would loose...or a deal, you decide...lol

When Natalie lost 10 lbs (halfway to goal mark), I would quit smoking....I know I have tried before this year, and failed.  Like Natalie, I didn't  have that accountability, and I wasn't completely ready to do this alone...but I want to do this.

Well, Natalie went beyond 10 lbs to 12, and I am very proud of her....however, this means that I quit smoking.

It works out, really....I only had about 6 left in the pack this morning when I got up, and I am really sick today...something's not right with me.  I called off work.  At 11 a.m. I officially quit!  I don't have any aids except for the one I signed up for online on Sunday-Quit.net.  I will have someone to help me do this, and I am hoping that I will have your encouragement and help too.

You see, I will want my dentist to not only work on my teeth, but to whiten them as well, if I keep smoking, then that would become a waste of money for me in the long run.  I am also tired on the smell in my car, hair and on my breath.  I am tired of my new manicure being ruined by the yellowness of the nicottiene.  I am also seeing the physical signs as well in my skin, and the extra coughing I am doing...

I am getting the aids and the help online, but I am also going to go to a doctor for help and advice as well.

I had other issues to that come with smoking-what I am doing while smoking:  drinking coffee...so, I am temporarily giving up coffee and replacing it with tea.  I will probably write more to give my hands something to do, and I will try to be in places where I don't smoke...easy since the state has passed the ban on public smoking everywhere in the past two years.

This also means that I stay away from chocolate (I am already doing that in honor of Natalie's diet).  At the moment, I am not worried about that one....lol

There are other things that I need to change in my routine to counter this, but I have to...for two reasons 1) I fully intend to honor my end of the bet, and 2) I WANT TO BREATHE RIGHT AGAIN!!

There are also things I will do to reward myself as I do this...and the ultimate goal...maybe someday I could use the money to visit Scotland and Ireland...and England...because I fully intend to hunt down the absolutely GORGEOUS Richard Armitage and land a big kiss on the man...and it wouldn't do to have smoker's breath when I do ;)

I am going back to bed in a few minutes because I am not feeling well today, called in sick for the first time since I started 5 months ago...but everyone have a great day!!

~Raven

Oh, and Nat, I will fulfill the other promise this afternoon, I am having problems with my computer here at the moment.

Have you ever felt like the world is moving along and you are just sitting still?  That's me this entire week.

First, one sister gets married, and she will be moving close to Dayton Ohio (well, a good reason to swing around and visit another friend when I am in town..lol), taking my nephew with her.  It's alright, because it's what needs to be done.  My new brother in law's job is a great one, and it would be a shame if he were to start over elsewhere...even if he doesn't mind doing that, it wouldn't be wise at this time for him to loose all his seniority and benefits...and my sister doesn't really have to work unless she wants to now.  She can stay at home and finish school if she wants to.

Next is my baby sister, I watched her pack this week for college in Illinois.  I forget which college, but it's near LaFayette.  There, she will earn her Ph.D while being an administrator for the English department.  She will be in charge of organizing tutors.  Her tuition will be paid for, and she will get a regular paycheck.  She hasn't even started work, and they emailed her to inform her that she got a raise!!  Can you believe it??  I am proud of her, and I want her to do this, but my heart and mind still sees that three day old baby I fell in love with, and I miss that, but I am happy that she is a woman too...odd, and I am not her mother, I can only wonder if this is how all of the moms out there feel when they watch their children pack off to college...or move into their own apartments, brand new lives without Mom and Dad to depend on.  She has her own apartment up there, and so far, all she has to worry about are the bills associated with an apartment....her college is paid for.

Then, our high school is having it's reunion...to which I am not going because I know that all of these people have moved forward as I have barely done-college, jobs, marriage, children, travelling, etc.  It's hard for me to want to go see these people, whom I barely new in high school and know that while I am not a failure, I have failed to do the things I have said I would.  I was aslo that girl who was content to sit in the back, or in a corner desk with her nose stuck happily in a book, not wanting to associate with people....then again, there may have been a psychological reason for that, and I know what that was at the time-fear, and I am not going into that one ever again....it's not something I want to hang on to.

This week, my personal motto was FAITH.  I know, I know, many are thinking of the Christian meaning on this one, but hear me out...faith has many meanings....faith in some unknown god or goddess, knowing in your heart that they will work with you in all you do....faith is a belief when there isn't proof....faith in the friend who says they will do something (and is proving to be able to do it!!)

Then there is the faith in myself.  This is what I was trying to accomplish this week.  This is hard, because I am having problems believing in myself half the time anymore...especially when I feel like the rest of the world is moving forward, and you are stagnate....how can one believe in themselves when everywhere they look, others are doing while you are sitting still?  Seven days later, and I still can't have faith in myself.

On another note, there was something to celebrate this week....in my Diana Gabaldon forum-Awaiting Diana, I was made global moderator because I have kept the group moving until the administrators came back from vacations and fixed computers...it's great, but in reality, I am re-reading DG's books, and just tied it in with my group...no big deal.  Just something to relieve the boredom.

I am dreading the coming week, because I am still working in a job that I don't even like!  It's a pain in the backside for me, but I am actually doing it for the woman who is getting her GED so that she can go to Nursing School.  She has 4 children, and wants to make a better life for herself and her children...I don't blame her.  In a sense, I am putting up with the foul language, and the ignorance in politics for this woman in honor of another friend who is doing something extraordinary with herself, making herself feel great again....this is my gift to those moms out there that are doing their level best to make their lives and their children's lives better....but I still can't wait to go back to my regular job and my normal routine...I hate getting up at 5 a.m. to go to work!!!

Since the family will be out of town this week, and the brothers and I are home-which basically means that I have the run of the house since both of them stay cloistered in the house-I am going to watch a movie with Richard Armitage in it...he is so handsome, and I adore his work!!  Even if he plays a bad guy in BBC's Robin Hood, he is a brilliant actor!

He is my writing inspiration right now for some reason...I will explain that one sooner or later...lol

Alright, alright, that was stricly for my own pleasure, but man, is he my kinda guy!!  A step over from my Japanese favs...I do love British men too, my friends!!!

Have a great evening!!

~Raven

Hi everyone!  I am so sorry, but I wasn't able to get online until now...been a bit busy.

The wedding was lovely, and I have pics of them, as promised...

The "Twinkie Cake" (yes, there are comments made in the peanut gallery)

The Bride and Me...two sisters, no mind!!!

My sister, MEL and I

Umm....me

Peace and me

Now you know what I look like now...lol