I made a bet recently that I fully intended to loose...lol
At the beginning of August, Lunawolfseeker/Natalie (for those of you who know, check out her blog) made a bet with her two daughters: she would loose 20 lbs by the end of the mont or pay both daughters $20 a piece. She needed help, and accountablity...people who would cheer her on, and ask her how things were going everyday...no hard thing to do since I have been around family members on Weight Watchers, and Natalie is my friend, if she needed a cheerleader, no problem I am happy to do it.
Well, last week, as she was at the 8 lb mark in her goal weight, I thought about how she was doing what she set out to do. I also thought about the one thing that I wanted to give up, but like Natalie, I didn't have the incentive or the encouragement to do....QUIT SMOKING!!
So, after long and intense thinking about this, I went to Natalie and made a bet I knew I would loose...or a deal, you decide...lol
When Natalie lost 10 lbs (halfway to goal mark), I would quit smoking....I know I have tried before this year, and failed. Like Natalie, I didn't have that accountability, and I wasn't completely ready to do this alone...but I want to do this.
Well, Natalie went beyond 10 lbs to 12, and I am very proud of her....however, this means that I quit smoking.
It works out, really....I only had about 6 left in the pack this morning when I got up, and I am really sick today...something's not right with me. I called off work. At 11 a.m. I officially quit! I don't have any aids except for the one I signed up for online on Sunday-Quit.net. I will have someone to help me do this, and I am hoping that I will have your encouragement and help too.
You see, I will want my dentist to not only work on my teeth, but to whiten them as well, if I keep smoking, then that would become a waste of money for me in the long run. I am also tired on the smell in my car, hair and on my breath. I am tired of my new manicure being ruined by the yellowness of the nicottiene. I am also seeing the physical signs as well in my skin, and the extra coughing I am doing...
I am getting the aids and the help online, but I am also going to go to a doctor for help and advice as well.
I had other issues to that come with smoking-what I am doing while smoking: drinking coffee...so, I am temporarily giving up coffee and replacing it with tea. I will probably write more to give my hands something to do, and I will try to be in places where I don't smoke...easy since the state has passed the ban on public smoking everywhere in the past two years.
This also means that I stay away from chocolate (I am already doing that in honor of Natalie's diet). At the moment, I am not worried about that one....lol
There are other things that I need to change in my routine to counter this, but I have to...for two reasons 1) I fully intend to honor my end of the bet, and 2) I WANT TO BREATHE RIGHT AGAIN!!
There are also things I will do to reward myself as I do this...and the ultimate goal...maybe someday I could use the money to visit Scotland and Ireland...and England...because I fully intend to hunt down the absolutely GORGEOUS Richard Armitage and land a big kiss on the man...and it wouldn't do to have smoker's breath when I do ;)
I am going back to bed in a few minutes because I am not feeling well today, called in sick for the first time since I started 5 months ago...but everyone have a great day!!
~Raven
Oh, and Nat, I will fulfill the other promise this afternoon, I am having problems with my computer here at the moment.
Have you ever felt like the world is moving along and you are just sitting still? That's me this entire week.
First, one sister gets married, and she will be moving close to Dayton Ohio (well, a good reason to swing around and visit another friend when I am in town..lol), taking my nephew with her. It's alright, because it's what needs to be done. My new brother in law's job is a great one, and it would be a shame if he were to start over elsewhere...even if he doesn't mind doing that, it wouldn't be wise at this time for him to loose all his seniority and benefits...and my sister doesn't really have to work unless she wants to now. She can stay at home and finish school if she wants to.
Next is my baby sister, I watched her pack this week for college in Illinois. I forget which college, but it's near LaFayette. There, she will earn her Ph.D while being an administrator for the English department. She will be in charge of organizing tutors. Her tuition will be paid for, and she will get a regular paycheck. She hasn't even started work, and they emailed her to inform her that she got a raise!! Can you believe it?? I am proud of her, and I want her to do this, but my heart and mind still sees that three day old baby I fell in love with, and I miss that, but I am happy that she is a woman too...odd, and I am not her mother, I can only wonder if this is how all of the moms out there feel when they watch their children pack off to college...or move into their own apartments, brand new lives without Mom and Dad to depend on. She has her own apartment up there, and so far, all she has to worry about are the bills associated with an apartment....her college is paid for.
Then, our high school is having it's reunion...to which I am not going because I know that all of these people have moved forward as I have barely done-college, jobs, marriage, children, travelling, etc. It's hard for me to want to go see these people, whom I barely new in high school and know that while I am not a failure, I have failed to do the things I have said I would. I was aslo that girl who was content to sit in the back, or in a corner desk with her nose stuck happily in a book, not wanting to associate with people....then again, there may have been a psychological reason for that, and I know what that was at the time-fear, and I am not going into that one ever again....it's not something I want to hang on to.
This week, my personal motto was FAITH. I know, I know, many are thinking of the Christian meaning on this one, but hear me out...faith has many meanings....faith in some unknown god or goddess, knowing in your heart that they will work with you in all you do....faith is a belief when there isn't proof....faith in the friend who says they will do something (and is proving to be able to do it!!)
Then there is the faith in myself. This is what I was trying to accomplish this week. This is hard, because I am having problems believing in myself half the time anymore...especially when I feel like the rest of the world is moving forward, and you are stagnate....how can one believe in themselves when everywhere they look, others are doing while you are sitting still? Seven days later, and I still can't have faith in myself.
On another note, there was something to celebrate this week....in my Diana Gabaldon forum-Awaiting Diana, I was made global moderator because I have kept the group moving until the administrators came back from vacations and fixed computers...it's great, but in reality, I am re-reading DG's books, and just tied it in with my group...no big deal. Just something to relieve the boredom.
I am dreading the coming week, because I am still working in a job that I don't even like! It's a pain in the backside for me, but I am actually doing it for the woman who is getting her GED so that she can go to Nursing School. She has 4 children, and wants to make a better life for herself and her children...I don't blame her. In a sense, I am putting up with the foul language, and the ignorance in politics for this woman in honor of another friend who is doing something extraordinary with herself, making herself feel great again....this is my gift to those moms out there that are doing their level best to make their lives and their children's lives better....but I still can't wait to go back to my regular job and my normal routine...I hate getting up at 5 a.m. to go to work!!!
Since the family will be out of town this week, and the brothers and I are home-which basically means that I have the run of the house since both of them stay cloistered in the house-I am going to watch a movie with Richard Armitage in it...he is so handsome, and I adore his work!! Even if he plays a bad guy in BBC's Robin Hood, he is a brilliant actor!
He is my writing inspiration right now for some reason...I will explain that one sooner or later...lol
Alright, alright, that was stricly for my own pleasure, but man, is he my kinda guy!! A step over from my Japanese favs...I do love British men too, my friends!!!
First of all, I wish to thank everyone for answering my questions...it wasn't surprising to see the answers, and to be honest, I have seen all of you being compassionate in various ways...
I will add my view on compassion, by first saying that all of you are correct. It's reaching out and just giving to others. It's looking with an open heart at the homeless man on the street and not just giving him a few bucks, but talking to him for a few minutes. It's witnessing the teenage girl being mericilessly teased by other girls, and remembering what it felt like to be in her shoes, and reaching out to give her a hug, and tell her that she is beautiful, and there's nothing wrong with her. It's not just giving something to others, but giving love to others by handing them a tissue when needed, or becoming their cheerleader, or even just there and talking to them. There you go, that is what compassion is to me. I cannot tell you off hand of times or things that I do to show compassion because, I am not sure if I do sometimes.
Moving on for the moment, I have good news and odd news.
First of all, I am finally able to get online whenever I want or need to, thanks to my brothers. You see, when the one brother originally went to Las Vegas, he sold his computer to the younger brother, who in turn gave me one of his since he was now in possession of three computers. The computer was slow and in need of a video card, and when the other brother came home, he went online and priced one and ordered it for me, it is now installed, and I have my own computer again....can you say, NOVEL HERE I AM?! I still use the library computers for the majority of my work, but I haven't been online in a couple of days....
Second of all, I started looking into apartments, and what I can afford, and I will be able to move in September. I am excited.
However, I had a setback the other day. I became paranoid about my brakes...they didn't feel good to me, and since I was planning to move, and I had three paydays in August, I thought I would go have them checked....my friends, I wept when I put out the cash for this, because I was right to be paranoid, the brakes on all four sides where either at the limit or they were getting close to it...I spent $815 for my paranoia, but I am good with it at the moment, because that means that I will have a safe drive to work....a bit of a setback, because I wasn't expecting to pay so much, but I will be alright. They paid off yesterday in the morning, when I was driving in to work and a deer came out of no where to scare the stinker out of me....lol
Next, is that I am ready for my sister's wedding, except I need to buy panty hose and get my nail color changed to match my rose and brown trim dress (Yes, I am taking pics, and I can download them now...you'll see my hair too). I went to get my sister's wedding gift, and was happy for the excuse to use my Hallmark Gold Crown Card....and I bought new stationary for myself, and I am planning to use it this weekend, along with reading Diana Gabaldon's Fiery Cross, between manicures and weddings...lol
Another great thing is that next weekend, my nephew will be spending the week with us while my sister goes on her honeymoon to the Carribbean....dang, I wish my new b-i-l had a brother!!! LOL
I also discovered that hemp lotion works wonders on dry skin, and that OPI makes a product called NAIL ENVY that strengthens nails! I am in heaven.
I have also been doing my beauty routine religiously this week and I am happy to say that the problems areas are no longer problems...I have calm skin for the first time in a while....I am going to continue to use this system.
Oh, and I gained 5 pounds somewhere along the way! This is a good thing because I need the weight. I believe I have found my backside again, my dear friends!!!
Next week is going to be a bit hectic in my mother's home because my younger sister will be packing to move to Illinois for school. She will get her Ph.D in English there, and she has a great job with them as an administrator in the tutor's office...she hasn't even started her first day of work, and they emailed her to tell her that they were increasing her pay by $40 a month....my friends, my sister will get a free education out of this, a paycheck on top of it, and the only thing she will have to worry about is paying rent in an apartment....amazing!!
I spent the day in the new park...it was so nice, and I must have walked over two miles there, listening to babbling brooks and the breeze through the trees. It was a nice ending to a very hard week of learning compassion and working in an environment that I can't stand....I am back to pressing again until the other girl comes back in two weeks-say goodbye to all the hard work I am putting in on myself-she is getting her GED so that she can go to school for nursing so that she can support her 4 children better than where she is now, so it's not a bad thing, just working with the other two that is a pain.
Well, my friends, one more day and this week will officially be over for me....have a great evening!!
I have a question for ALL of Covenspace. Please answer this in comment on this post. I just want to see what everyone comes up with!
You see, here I am, using Compassion for the week, and I was wondering what eveyone's definition of compassion is...I am just curious to see what others consider compassion.
I also want to know what types of things do you do on a daily basis to show compassion for others, and for yourself? These can be anything, at any time-your family and friends are included in this, even for those on Covenspace.
Random acts of kindness do count, but not as an individual topic....explain what types of random acts of kindness you do....even the ones you don't think about until tomorrow or the next week.
So, what I want is:
1) your definition of compassion, and
2) what do you do to show compassion?
Thank you, my beautiful, intelligent, gentle, and kind brothers and sisters!
